My COVID Christmas

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” - Blaise Pascal

I love every part of Christmas; the season, decorations, presents, and food. I love the tradition of putting the tree up with the train around it. And, I love the lights! It is something I have looked forward to every year since I was a little boy.

This holiday season was no different. We had a ton of celebrations planned…until one nasal swab changed all of that. It went from a “Merry Christmas” to a COVID Christmas in the 15 minutes it took the at-home kit to register +.

Upset? Well, let’s just say the automatic responses of my heart were less than ideal. I was angry, anxious, frustrated and ready to tell you about it. Just ask my wife.

As I look back, our COVID Christmas wasn’t all that bad. Everyone's symptoms were mild and we were able to settle into this new, chosen for us" rhythm as a family. There was a lot of junk food, movies, books and even a snowman. My kids adapted just fine and were actually excited about downtime at home without an agenda. The story I was telling myself, “Christmas is ruined”, you know, that false narrative that creeps in sometimes, was wrong: all wasn’t lost, our Christmas wasn’t ruined. My expectations and emotions had gotten the best of me and created an anxiety-induced tantrum.

Fortunately, I figured it out within a few days into our quarantine. I made a fire and sat by our Christmas tree and just…. breathed. For the first time since canceling all of our plans and telling everyone how bummed we were, I sat still. I started to accept where I was at the moment and asked God what He wanted to do with it. After a few deep breaths my soul started to settle, which allowed my mind to clear and gave my heart space to process. Slowly, I began to experience peace, clarity and grace.

Blaise Pascal wrote “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

I’d say that’s about right. My COVID Christmas taught me that my ability to settle before God is a bigger deal than I had thought.

Perhaps that’s why David wrote these profound words in Psalm 46:10.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

-Bill Holbrook